I was sitting on a bench in a mall when I glanced at my phone and saw a message and then my mother was phoning me and I knew before I even heard it and I didn’t know what to say except that I was coming as soon as I could and when I put the phone down I looked at my hands and I kept sitting and the mall was well lit and there was light and children screaming and people living and I didn’t know what to do. And then A came and she made a joke and I looked up at her and I was laughing except that I was crying and her face changed and she came to me and she put an arm on my shoulder. And it was okay, I kept saying it was okay, that it was bound to happen but still, even when it happened it felt wrong. It felt like I had betrayed him. Like I had given him up. Like I had let go first.
You know.
